Love is hope. Love is mystery, it is powerful, tempting yet the most painful emotion of all. Love is the light that makes the sun shine, and the moon glimmer. Oh the love, who doesn’t want to know you, to taste you, hold on to you and to crave for you?
A lover writes for his beloved’s question. “I spent a lot of time on thinking about your WHY. There is no what, why or how in it, simply. Because somethings are meant to be experienced not explained. But still I’ll give it a try. I truly believe that everyone and everything possesses an aura of energy around them. What, why and how of it is a long thing and I might loose the point in it. But what I am trying to say is that your energy compliments to mine, it enhances it and resonates with it. Stays with me long after you’re gone and longs for it while you are not around. I have never experienced this before, ever! What do you call it, if someone, effortlessly makes life changing impacts on someone’s life? What is, if someone influences you to write??
And the other question you ask about age. Well, age is just a figure, I have seen dullness of old people in teens, I have seen brightness of youth in fifties. Mostly if not always, people do not understand complex energy matrix very early in life and do not always make an effort to grow their energy. People slowly as they grow, forget what was joy, what made them happy. It is not a crime to find out what really excites one’s soul at later part of life, is it?
There can be nothing more beautiful then the feelings you arouse in me, they fill my heart with joys of youth. They take me back to the time when everything I knew was pure, when the possibilities were limitless. I believe that it does not matter what the world might think, one should always do what enlightens passion and love, because without these two, life is colorless, meaningless!- Oh love, why can’t you see what you have done to me. I crave for your sight in solitude, but I panic when I see you. I spend my days and nights with your thoughts. Although you make me shine bright, but the cost is heavy- its consuming me”
She replies- “Your words are strange to me, you are strange to me. I don’t know of any love other then what I received from my parents. But there is another strange thing to it, its the strange warmth that has awaken my heart. But ( bursting her bubble of dreams) your words, no matter how beautiful, are like Venus Flytrap, I fear them! I dread to walk this path, because I have been told it has perished many of its visitors.”
Then she thinks to herself- I did the right thing, this is what anyone would have expected from me. After all, love is for the books and fantasies, it has no real existence (although, how much would I love one of those fantasies to knock my door).
She decides to go quiet, to stay away, be a pigeon thinking her indifference would keep her in safety. This pounding of heart, this new light, its not good!!!
But this indifference, its burning his heart, although it lightens up his soul. He is in a trance. He has built a house of cards made of dreams, dreams that only mad people know.
He says- “Infatuation if you might call it, is the first step on ladder to true love. Love was as strange to me as my words to you. You awakened my heart to it, please do not back off! Every life, no matter now monotonous it might seem, is unique. Every person is unique and so is their heart. Treacherous, if that’s what world has been in matters of love, is not my thing, I am unique, you are unique. If you don’t talk to me, I would not know how to handle this fire in my heart, for fire is double edged. Please talk to me, open you lips and let your heart flow free. For we might never know this fire is the one that keeps the Paradise warm.”
Fire, is capricious being. It might decide to warm the food to feed a family, or it might decide to burn it all. It exists in many forms, contrary to what many would think. Fire of sun- in its kind mood gives birth to life in a green forest, in its gratitude would caste a rainbow over a spring, or in its wrath will burn the life in a desert! Fire of heart is like that too you see, it has many ways to burn in heart. Fire of hate, fire of revenge, fire of passion and fire of Love. But its capricious like any other fire, it can switch roles swiftly.
In a pleasant turn of events, she decides to melt some ice. She is confused, she wants to listen but she is afraid of commitments! Her heart is still pure, clean from scars of deceitful world. She always trusted her parents advice. The connection of mother to her child is very strong, but now she is a grown up who is ready to fly, its time for her to put theory to practice.
She says- ” The fire that burns your heart is contagious, I am afraid I might have caught it too. But you have a perfect life, everything one can dream for, then why risk it all? Infatuation is a temporary thing after all, it will pass. In the heart of her heart she wishes for this one not to be temporary. She has never experienced a love of this sort before, a love that can make the heart pound.
Signs of termite attack do not appear on wood until its almost hollow, it might keep looking perfect until its almost done, so be very careful in presuming something perfect!
He has seen her roll her hair over her fingers, and her cheeks turn red as an apple. Oh what a race of heart beat he wonders, how delightful can emotions be which are not said but just felt.
So He tells her- ” Look love ( how charming is the feeling of calling her like this) I would like to tell you little thing about a Chinese Bamboo. If you sow its seed in mud, you would not see a thing for another five years, just a tiny sprout over the surface. But interestingly, it is growing rapidly underneath a huge network of roots, and suddenly after five years, it shoots its trunk to 25 meters. But for that to happen, it needs to be cared for 5 years, without any visible results to its caretaker. The infatuation you see is that sprout over the surface, underneath in my heart, you have grown deep roots of love and affection for yourself. All you need to do is take care not to harm it and wait for it to blossom in a love which might mean world to us.
The moments spent with you are truly of ecstasy, I try to take in every detail, every look of yours, every sound, every smell. I might not be able to remember anything afterwards, but that doesn’t matter : life is not a cassette tape that can be wound and rewound. You are here and time is now. I just try to make most of it. With the thought of that in mind, I did the strangest thing so far, after you left, I started avoiding at peoples face! Just like you avoid smelling anything after smelling a really nice fragrance.
The next day – I had your dream, the first one! It was as clear as today’s bright sunshine. Although you spoke few words which I can’t remember, but I am just too glad to have seen you. One of my favorite person said, if you seek something, that something is seeking you! Somehow, the first day I saw you, I felt something. It was like there is going to be much more then just mere exchange of looks, I can almost swear I saw something in your eyes. I wonder now how is that even possible? But I also remember that person telling me that dreams are not merely something confined to your brain in sleep: they are actual encounters in a parallel universe, a spiritual universe! Was your spirit seeking mine last night?? I think I’ll just make myself glad with the thought of it¨.
Days pass by without a word from her, He is left wondering what happened!
Paulo Coelho says people ultimately end up killing what they love the most:
Some kill it with bitter looks, some kill it with flattering words
Cowards kill it with a kiss, brave kill it with sword.
¨Am I killing mine with my words? Love, I have never attempted to impress you, nor will I ever! People try to seduce love with power, money, bravery or beauty. But love cannot be seduced, it can only inspire! My love has inspired me to feel the miracle of life and appreciate its beauty. Just with your thoughts in mind, I forget all my worries and pain. My body might be in a cage, but my heart is free. This liberation has given me new purpose of life. All I wish now is that you reciprocate, and value it. Your silence is making me impatient, for I have suffered alot in life. Although your love has given me new hopes, but it has also brought clouds of fear, for I have always lost what I loved the most¨.
She asks- Love is pointless, it only leads to pain and sorrow. why embrace it then?
He replies- Love is pain, sorrow and many other things, but love is not pointless. Love is creator, creation and everything in between. Love is a miracle, love is magic. The high it gives is worth any pain, the magic it casts is beyond any sorrow. In fact love doesn’t cause pain, its the people you love that cause the harm. Love is merely an energy, and like any other energy, it can be used to create or destroy. Love is like a light emitting from your heart, the person you love reflect that light with the kind of heart they have, if their heart is clear, all you will receive in return is all what you deserve, but if its dark or distorted, it will destroy your light and cause pain. Hence it is very important who you lend your heart to. Love has the ability to transcend time and space. It is capable of defeating almost any hurdle that might come in its way. It is only therefore that I dared to love you.
Since you have closed doors on me so I might say my final words. My each and every word has always been about you. I know this for sure that not now, but few years from now you will understand each and every word of mine, but how ironic is it that it might not do us any good by then. The love for you which I have understood so far is that I relate every beauty there is to you, every special moment, every escape from present and all my cherished memories. Your thoughts take me to a place which cannot be described in words. People say that I remain lost, maybe that is what I want. Maybe all I want now is to be where you are, to go far far away from where I am now. Decisions, which might not be yours can bring you down to your knees in life, but your desire has picked me up and shown me what life is really about, I sort of feel an ambition in my heart to belong to you forever now.
Although you have given me your verdict, but I don’t know why I still feel that there is much more to it, that you are not telling me everything. That energy still resonates when you are around. You asked what would happen if you said yes, well your simple yes would have changed my world altogether. I would beg, borrow or steal but would never let go of you, would do anything to have you by my side and love you till eternity. You are right, I don’t know you. But you must understand that I have carved your image in my heart with whatever love I have. I have associated the best of thoughts to you, I think that’s what people in love do.
‘ I will be capable of loving regardless of weather I am loved in return,
Of giving when I have nothing,
Of working happily in midst of difficulties,
Of holding out my hand when utterly alone and abandoned,
Of drying my tears even while I weep,
Of believing when no one believes me.’
It wasn’t your words but the darkness in your eyes that struck me. I forgive you my love, because you are too young to understand feelings of love, I forgive you for being naive to my emotions and indifferent to my words, for only the unconditional love is the purest form of love. Just remember that you will always be loved!!